Home Ownership Lesson #6

Curtains are dumb.

It is true, experts agree. By experts I mean Daisy, one of my Cosmic Sisters, and me.

Yes, I know that they are necessary. I, too, enjoy privacy. But honestly, I have an easier time selecting major pieces of furniture (sofas, tables, beds, you name it) and art than I do buying curtains.

The kind sellers of my new home left the curtain hardware in place, which saved me a fortune. Very nice. However, the curtains they left are not my favorite. The living room set were close to the right color but they were rigged-up and hung by white rope. Clearly handmade. Not good. I was able to repurpose the gold sheers from the bedroom as tolerable temporary curtains for the living room.

Since I have an internet addiction, I started online. I was looking for two 60×84 aubergine or deep purple opaque curtains. Simple? Sort of. I found many and zeroed in on a set from Sears. They were the right color, price, and there is a Sears down the road. Quick and easy. I tend to lack impulse control when it comes to these types of purchases, so I immediately went to Sears. I found what I thought was an great deal. Purple panels for $10 each. Who can beat that? I also snagged a set of tab-top sheers to go under the purple panels.

Mistake #1 – when buying curtains one should know what “tab-top” actually means. Apparently, I do not.  I thought the sheers were the kind you slide the rod through. No. Tab-top means that they have the loops hanging on top like a shower curtain. I should have called Mommy. Because I have an aversion to returning things to stores (I really really dislike doing it), I elected just to keep them since it did not affect the light entering my room and I was sure that the panels would hide the tabs. Fine.

Mistake #2 – the reason the panels were so cheap is because they were 60 inches long – not the 84 I needed. I did not find this out until I got one panel completely out of the package and on the rod. Having the white sheers hanging down below the panels was not a look I was going for, especially since the panels were not long enough to actually reach the window sill. Imagine Jethro Bodine’s high-water blue jeans as curtains. Fancy. I could not avoid returning these jewels. Of course, in order to do that I would have to get this panel folded up perfectly to get it back in the tiny little plastic zipper bag it came in. Nearly impossible. I got it in there but it was not pretty. I made sure to stack the unopened one on top of it. Fun times.

I should add that these curtain discoveries were made at 4:00 a.m. I could not sleep due to the unfortunate digestion of a Claritin-D at 10:00 p.m. So my desire to sleep coupled with the sinus attack I was taking the Claritin-D to cure probably added to my curtain frustration.

The next day after a couple cups of tea and some food I came to terms with returning the curtains. What else could I do? Then it occurred to me that I threw the receipt for them away at the Red Robin. I ate there after the purchase because I heard they had a g-free menu (they do, it is good). So, this increased my stress level. I already hate to return things and now what would I do when they wanted a receipt or told me that because it was a sale I could not return them. The anticipation was killing me.

I carted myself and my curtains back down to Sears. The nice lady at the register was an angel. She did not ask for a receipt, she paid no attention to the packaging, and gave me cash back. It was a short-lived victory. The celebration ended when I had to go back and do more shopping for curtains. Because, of course, the kind I bought originally are not available in the 84 inch length.

Decorating is not as fun as people what you to believe.

Sears did have more deep purple curtains ranging from $13 per panel to $50. I had to decide whether little swirly stitches were important enough to me to pay an extra  $37. That did not take long. I checked and double checked the color, style of the top, and length repeatedly between the rack and the check out. I was out the door $28 later. Happily these worked. They hid the tab-tops, are the right color, and length. Win.

Now I just have to find curtains for the living room and kitchen. Maybe I should just buy blinds?

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4 thoughts on “Home Ownership Lesson #6

  1. I hate fiddling with curtains. Thus, I haven’t changed any of the curtains in my house (except the ones in the bathroom that featured pictures of outhouses) and as a result my curtains are all lacy old lady curtains. I don’t know if this is really a good result, but they bother me less than measuring, shopping, trying out, rejecting, returning, and starting over would.

  2. Hahaha…I hate curtains and returning anything as well. Especially since we’re 45 min from FW. We currently have plain white semi-sheers (cotton homemade thingys) in most of the rooms in our house. Having to return curtains would throw me over the top. I feel your pain!

  3. Oh, but what I meant to say is that blinds are no better. First, there’s endless variation in style and quality, so you’ll go crazy shopping for them. Second, maybe it’s because I’ve lived in old houses, but they never fit properly. Third, they are a beast to install, even with a cordless drill, because you generally have to drill holes sideways while standing on a ladder (or, if you’re me, an uneven kitchen chair). And finally, they’re hard to keep clean. Really, the best solution to the problem is just to tack a tie dyed sheet over the window. 🙂

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